doublesmall | gy, week 5, wednesday (terra, post-mission)

Well, it's worth a shot then. Being erased has to be good for something, right?

[that gets a little smile in response. being here sucks, sure, but chuuya's accepted it as a consequence.]

Ah, speaking of being erased. Some of the others on your side said a few things while they were getting rid of me that didn't make a whole lot of sense.

What is your job, can you say that much now that we're both here? I kind of figured from the name that reaping would be part of it, but they kept complaining about doing that. Little insulting, if I'm being honest.

The Composer gives orders to the Conductor, and the Conductor gives them to us. We’ve all played something like this before. Each Game is different.

In some of them, no one is erased. In some, people are. It’s designed by the Composer. I think you’ll understand when you meet them.

Not all of us wanted to erase anyone. We had to follow the rules. Just like everyone else. We were going to find out why we were playing this time. The reason for winning. We don’t know why we have to erase when we are supposed to work together.

We're supposed to what?

[chuuya's eyes narrow, there.]

Then what's the point of setting up a game like this, having people pick us off, and telling us to trim down the numbers more? Just to see if we'd do it? If you lay it out like that then no shit people are going to follow it!

[he huffs out a frustrated breath, there. he worked within a hierarchy in life, it's what he's known; lay out expectations, and he'll adapt to fit them.]

Look, I know you didn't design this, but I didn't kill two people trying to win just so I could find out we were supposed to hold hands or something. That's ridiculous.

The Composer said there are a lot of ways to "win." They couldn't tell me how. Some are bad and some are good.

They said the ends that are good are about working together. Some ends, only certain people will be able to go home.

We were upset the rest of you kept forgetting only some of us would be able to return if all of us were killed. You kept trying to erase us. I understand... being afraid because you're powerless. We just couldn't say anything. It was against the rules.

[He peers at Chuuya quietly for a moment.]

Why did you kill two people? Because you thought they were Reapers?

[that answer helps a bit more; chuuya considers it for a few moments, along with terra's questions, and finally breathes out a sigh as he sinks back in his seat.]

I'm erased anyway, and you've been helpful, so I'll be honest with you: the shortest answer is that I killed them because it's what I do.

I picked Edogawa because I thought he was a Reaper, but also because we were enemies when we were alive-- he couldn't tell everyone I'm a criminal if he was gone, right? Mikejima... eh, he was a little suspicious too, but mostly I took him out to get rid of some of the competition, after Max reminded us only some could win. Besides, they were partners, so technically we did the kid a favor giving him a merciful erasure before Sunday.

[a pause, there.]

I was fine with only some of us getting to return, as long as Caren and I made it to the end-- but we played and we lost. I'll accept that if it comes to it.

[Right now, he supposes he can't fault Chuuya for much when his hands have been double-dipped in erasing. No. Triple-dipped. He had killed his own master.

Chuuya isn't the only one who sighs, though his is softer.] Akira and Undine are still playing.

I believe in them. That they can help the others, and the others can help them. They'll find a way to send everyone home.

After my last Game, I wouldn't have been upset if I didn't get to return. But I wanted everyone else to go back to their worlds. I would fight for that still.

[He peers at Chuuya.]

I don't know what will happen to the Composer if we erased them, but I don't think we should. If they made the game... something might happen if they're gone.

-what, you're not gonna get pissy about it too? You really are easier to deal with than they were. All I heard from those two was how I didn't know anything about the game, I didn't have to kill anyone, I'm backstabbing and don't deserve the chance to live...

[he waves a hand, rolling his eyes.]

Pretty annoying coming from one person killing me and one watching it happen, if you ask me, but they can do what they want. Here's the thing, though-- if they're all about this working together thing, they're doing it wrong, and they've already put off more than just me. Not all of us who want to see them gone are down here; the only thing that's saving those two right now is that we only pinned down Akira as a Reaper.

We'll probably be seeing him soon, if I had to guess.

[...he doesn't comment on the composer, but chuuya is filing that comment away to consider later. what'll happen to them... well, he wouldn't mind finding out. he's already lost. if there's any time to try to act on things like that, it's while he's stuck here.]

I don't think anyone should have been erased. Here or in the other game I played. But they are, and they were. I had a hand in both. It's not something I'm proud of.

I... killed my master, Eraqus. He was like a father to me. I'm not proud of that either. But he was going to hurt Ven, and I couldn't let him do that. I guess... just like you couldn't let them live.

[He's struggling with the Darkness and the Light, and he's Tired!!!]

I believe in Akira. I didn't give Ven enough credit. He was as strong as we were, even if he wouldn't be taking the Mastery Exam. He might be stronger. His heart was full of Light.

We might not be seeing Akira just yet.

They should've gotten more people like you for this, you know? At least you acknowledge shit.

[it wasn't those two wanting to save people that bothered chuuya. it was the self-righteousness he thought he saw that he hated, the accusations when their hands weren't clean, either.]

Maybe we will, maybe we won't. It's up to all of them now, yeah? But I'll say this much-- you should've made Kurusu do his job earlier and kept yourself in the game. I think I wouldn't have minded losing to you half as much. Probably would've been more fun to fight, too.

[which is a rare sort of admission from him, really.]

That's all the questions I had about this game, but- is this Light business a metaphorical thing, or what?

[A small smile appears on his face. He was aware of Ranpo's distaste for Chuuya, but he thought he'd meet Chuuya before deciding. He's glad he did.]

It's okay. I wouldn't have changed anything. He has a lot of people he cares about.

[Terra would've made a formidable opponent, but he's too stupidly humble to admit that. Especially when he failed to become a Master.]

Lion was going to attack him. I shouldn't have let him help me; him or Ranpo. I should have done it on my own. And I... The Darkness... I was afraid he was going to get hurt. So I strangled Lion.

We only picked Lion because Lion could get more ripcoins. We thought it would slow you all down. But you all... worked together. I guess that's the point in a way.

[One eyebrow rises, then his look softens.] The Light?

It's... what's inside of you. [He touches his chest.] It's what's inside of everyone. It's a part of every world out there. The stars are all the Light from other worlds.

Those you love, those you want to protect. Friends, family. They make your Light grow. The stronger your Light, the more power you have to protect the things that matter most.

Edited (this entire game i keep fucking up lion's pronouns bc i read the wiki like a canonblind fool) 2018-04-12 16:29 (UTC)

-I'd ask why not Miki, but you made the right choice anyway, going after someone with a more dangerous partner. He ended up being kind of useful to us, but if Orihara hadn't been saved... well, I wouldn't have minded.

[izaya is too familiar; chuuya's seen shades of dazai in him, in all the worst ways.

at that explanation, though... he's silent for a while, letting all of it sink in, before he shakes his head with a rueful little grin.]

Hah... maybe that explains losing here, then. I don't remember having anything like that at all.

[people he loved and wanted to protect, friends, family-- he doesn't remember any of them. it tugs at him in a strange way, as if he should feel sad about something, but... what? chuuya can't manage to put a finger on where that feeling comes from.

maybe it's from somewhere inside the holes in his memory. he couldn't really say.]

If that's the case, it's no wonder I couldn't keep myself and Caren safe, yeah?

You lost it. [It doesn't seem to be a question, but Chuuya can disagree.] For your fee.

I'm sorry. That we didn't give up anything this time. [In the end... maybe it's not so bad losing something. Maybe.] I did in my last game. The Light... it was gone.

I didn't feel like I use to feel. About anyone. I was afraid of being erased. It was like a Mastery Exam. I was afraid of losing again, of not becoming a Keyblade Master.

So all I had was Darkness.

And I wanted to get rid of the ones erasing us because nothing else mattered except winning. Like others here think. That's why... I didn't want it to happen. I made that mistake already.

[His smile is reassuring.]

Don't worry. We'll help them help everyone get a second chance. When we do, you'll get your Light back. You'll remember what's most important to you.

-maybe I did. I couldn't tell you. All I know is that I don't know why I did the shit I did when I was alive-- but I remember what it was.

[he pauses for just a moment, there.]

Even if there's something like that for me to get back... you know you're trying to give second chances to people like me too, don't you? I told you: I killed because it's what I do. I've been doing it my whole life-- I didn't have a life before that. If I had anything like your Light, it sure as hell never stopped me from doing my job.

And if I get a second chance, I'm going to go back and do my job. You'll be letting me live so that I can keep killing. Do you still want to do it, even knowing that?

[Terra's pause is longer than Chuuya's. A frown eases onto his face, and he looks down, brows pulling together. It's tough for him apparently, just going by the look on his face.

Finally, he looks back up.] If I were there, I would try to stop you. I know there will be someone there to try to stop you anyway. Maybe not then, but there will be someone full of Light who will fight for others' Light. There's always someone.

Like me. Like Ven. Like Aqua.

I don't know if there's a chance I'll go back. It may be too late. But if I do, there's someone I have to kill, too. Xehanort. So I don't think I can judge you here. About whether you deserve a second chance.

No matter who you are, you deserve a second chance. [Didn't he? To make things right. The things he had ruined.] Maybe you'll change your mind if you get it. The people you kill... they deserve a second chance, too.

That's why we're playing, right? That's why it's so hard. Maybe the Composer wants us to try again.

I don't know if I'm the kind of person who can do anything else, but if thinking that helps...

[chuuya shrugs a shoulder, with a vague wave of one hand.]

Eh, well, we'll see what happens later.

[he's sure they'd have to have gotten to him a long time ago. maybe there was a chance when he was fifteen, but his path was set even then.]

If you do end up getting to go back though-- what are you gonna do after you kill that guy, huh? Just go back to whatever you were doing before you died?

[The thought brings the hint of a wry smile to his face. He wonders if it'd even be worth it to go back. That's what he had said, isn't it? "It may be too late for me." Xehanort had stolen his body, and initially, he had been afraid. But something told him not to be.

Even without his body, he still had his heart. He rallied. A Lingering Will. No body doesn't mean he couldn't fight.] I told the Composer I would take their place if I had to do it.

But now... [He looks off, face pinching briefly, then softening with resolution.] I think I've changed my mind. You helped me remember. What I'd do when I got back, after we stop Xehanort.

[He looks back at Chuuya, smiling again.]

My friends... I'm going to see my friends again. Aqua and Ven.

And I'm going to retake the Mastery Exam. This time, I won't fail. I'm not going to be afraid. I'll become a Keyblade Master, and I'll protect all the hearts in every world.

Just like I want to protect the ones here.

[chuuya... isn't sure what he wants to say for a few moments, mouth twisting slightly as if there's something unpleasant about it. he's not used to this. he isn't the type who usually prompts this in people, he's fairly sure, and he still can't tell why he feels strangely about all this talk of protecting people.]

Hah... you really are the hero type, huh.

[chuuya shakes his head, leaning back and folding his arms.]

Well, good luck with that, hero boy. You probably already know it, but you can't protect everyone-- maybe you're the kind that won't get broken by that, though.

[little do u know chuuya he is exactly the kind of hero that would become a villain because he failed to save his friends]

I'll keep trying. I'll keep trying until I get it. Until no one ever loses their Light. Until Ven gets his body back, and Vanitas is gone. Until Xehanort is stopped. Until...

I won't give up. I don't think we should either. Even here.

Just what do you think we can even do from here, huh? Even if we get shit figured out, we can't tell the others. We can barely tell them anything as it is.

I don't like sitting around waiting to see if we're rescued or what, but we're kinda stuck with that right now.

I don't know... [That frustrates him the most. Being helpless.] There has to be something.

Even here, we can't be powerless. Right? If even... the Composer and the others were Players in the game.

gy, week 5, wednesday (terra, post-mission)

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