[PCs] team trust no bitch aka team hat aka chuuya & caren

[doublesmall]

[but is it really team hat if only caren has one, though? that's the real question here.

threads in comments!

(there is age difference ship content here but nothing nsfw)]

Comments

[doublesmall]

I do, yeah. It doesn't get your blood pumping?

[chuuya tugs her back in to sit next to him, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. there's no singing for the moment; he supposes they deserve a break for a while longer.]

Used to like listening to it during a fight, when I was younger.

[sexorcism]

[It's still strange to her, every now and then, how gentle he can be when they're alone together. There's affection there, of course, but the feelings haven't had time to grow so deep. Though Caren's shoulders stiffen under the embrace, she eventually leans back into the seat, more comfortable.]

I would not have chosen it for myself. However, I do not listen to a lot of music. [Or, really, fight all that often.]

They must not have been very serious fights if you could still enjoy a song.

[doublesmall]

Eh, kids do stupid shit. It's still kind of fun to have background music for things, though.

[it's not like he remembers most of his actual childhood, let him have this, okay.

when she leans back, he relaxes a bit more too, exhaling a heavy breath as he lets himself rest more heavily against the backrest. there are few times he's comfortable enough to truly rest, and he takes advantage when he has them.]

[sexorcism]

I wonder if that's true. [She puts her cheek against his shoulder for a fraction of a second, willingly. It's just a moment, but the touch is warm.

When she speaks again, her voice is solemn, as if she's thinking of something else.]

Well, it is actually quite fortunate that you have a memory like that to hold onto. So I won't be able to hold it against you after all.

[doublesmall]

... yeah, it is. There's a few years I'm missing, you know? So- I hold on to the rest.

[maybe it's that brief touch, or maybe it's the tone of her voice that prompts him to tell her; it might be both. either way--

he rarely talks about his past, but she's someone he doesn't mind letting things slip to.]

[sexorcism]

Was it like that before?

[She knows that the price of his entry included some of his memories. Maybe that would have been easier for all of them, if universally they just had to give up something they remembered.

From the way he says it, though, Caren suspects there were holes there before his death. She doesn't look directly at him when she asks, instead staying seated and letting her gaze slide over to him from the corners of her eyes.]

[doublesmall]

It was.

[he doesn't mind the lack of direct eye contact; it's a little easier, this way.]

I don't remember the first several years of my life. Never have. I'm not sure if I was even there for any of it or if what they did made me forget-- I just know I woke up without anything.

[sexorcism]

I see.

[She lets the silence stand for a while, filled with background music from the booth itself, a little dissonant but somehow fitting.

You're like a rock star, she remembers, then shakes her head. It would be cruel to say he might be happier without those memories, when their absence seems to pain him so much, but it's what she believes.]

Even without those memories, I still think you seem whole.

[doublesmall]

I made myself that way, I think.

[a small smile touches his lips, there, a little pride in his voice. even if he doesn't remember parts of his life and career, now, he still knows he was successful. he took the power he was given and made himself a high ranking criminal.

but why?

that smile fades at the thought, and chuuya shakes his head.]

...made something of myself, anyway. Must've been easiest to be successful in the underworld.

[sexorcism]

So you adapted to survive. You know, that is an admirable trait regardless of where it led you.

[She notices the smile come and go, and that's what finally makes her turn to face him completely. It's her turn to smile, then, the closest she'll probably come to offering spoken reassurances.]

Well, normally I would make you answer for being a criminal; however... you preempted that, didn't you?

[doublesmall]

I'll answer for it when we win and I get my memories back. Will that work?

[that gets him to grin back at her, slow and lazy.]

Hah, but you'll get your faith back too, right? Maybe the Composer isn't the judge I need to be worried about...

[sexorcism]

[When - if - when - they win, what person will she become? Caren cannot reconcile this existence with an existence of faith and, even more than that, cannot imagine what belief would even feel like in this undead body of hers. She can't imagine reabsorbing faith and suddenly feeling regrets, but she does wish it would give her an answer: Why, even now, does she want to save more people than is possible?

She puts those thoughts aside and draws her legs up onto the cushion with them, glancing at the song selection just to keep them from being kicked out.]

That's all right. You'd best start practicing repentance now, or you'll suffer when the time comes. I can't condemn or clear you, but I can dole out punishment.

[doublesmall]

I don't think that's something I can really practice by myself, though. It's not like I've ever really repented for much.

[he's had regrets, and he's made mistakes that he's had to make up for-- but that isn't quite the same, is it?

chuuya pulls her a little closer, encouraging her to lean on him. they've worked closely together for a few weeks now, it's easier to tell when something's been on her mind.]

But I'd accept punishment if it was from you, I guess.

[sexorcism]

You're incorrigible. [But she goes easily, letting him pull her down against his shoulder. After a thought, she reaches up to hold the hand on her shoulder, loosely linking their fingers together.]

Perhaps I am mistaken, but you aren't supposed to ask for punishment. [Forgiveness, maybe, but a man who asks for punishment is certainly more of a spectacle.]

[doublesmall]

It's more straightforward, right? Pretty sure there's no forgiving the shit I've gotten up to, but I've always known that.

[he grips her hand, squeezing it lightly before going back to that loose hold, his head resting against hers.]

I'll admit I'm more used to being the one doing the punishing, though.

[sexorcism]

That might be true, but you just keep moving forward. [And that's what seems important: the act of finding something meaningful, still, even when a certain outcome seems hopefully.

She looks up at Chuuya through her lashes, a little sleepy-eyed.]

You can only punish transgressions, and you haven't accused me of anything, yet. Try again later.

[doublesmall]

I'm sure I could find something to accuse you of. Taunting me like that, for one thing.

[he's taking her hand and counting things off on her fingers, as he goes.]

Always provoking me into things. Being a tease. Enjoying all of the above, probably.

[sexorcism]

I don't know what it means to enjoy things.

[She forcefully lowers one of her fingers despite him counting it off.]

Regardless, taunting and teasing are practically the same thing. I thought I had partnered with someone far less sensitive, a real criminal.

[doublesmall]

No? You sounded like you enjoyed yourself earlier... the other night, too.

[chuuya don't be a little shit.

he shakes his head, laughing under his breath.]

I thought getting rid of two people should be enough to be a 'real criminal', but you've got high standards, don't you.

[sexorcism]

Was I that convincing? You're certainly easy to please.

[She still hasn't taken her hand back, but Caren closes her eyes, letting her body relax.]

No, I think you are a criminal. And so would most of the people here, if you asked.

[But she is technically the same kind of sinner, now, and his company brings her...some positive feelings, for a chance meeting that will only last a few more weeks.]

[doublesmall]

Probably, yeah. I know some of them have picked up on it.

[ffffucking izaya. he huffs out a breath, shaking his head as he picks up the song list, careful not to disturb her. they'll get kicked out if they don't keep it up every so often, so he's just idly paging through to find something.]

But that's why I don't really plan on asking any of them what they think of me.

[sexorcism]

[She really has to commend fuckinnnnng Izaya for being so despicable in his machinations. It’s truly interesting, albeit much better to observe than be a target of. For a while, she doesn’t speak or move or open her eyes, just listening to the turn of the pages and trying to predict which song he’ll land on.]

Even me; I’m sure you’d flinch to know what I really think.

If I said something like, ‘I am glad to have met you,’ you’d probably die of disbelief.

[doublesmall]

[-well, he doesn't die of disbelief at the implication there, but his eyes do widen a bit as he glances over. she's right; it isn't something he expects from her.

it brings a small, genuinely pleased grin to his face anyway.]

Hah... and if I said that I was too, would you say I'm just lying? I am pretty terrible.

[chuuya tugs her hand a little closer, head tilted to press a little kiss to the back of it.]

Or would you just think I wanted something from you?

[sexorcism]

Normally, I'd be inclined not to trust a criminal. But as a special favor to you, I'll take your word for it.

[Well, she never said that it was how she really felt, just that it would startle him. Therefore she's absolved of all responsibility for it.

Caren finally lets one eye open, turning just a little bit so the flatness of her voice and gaze had their typical effect.]

It's all right if you do, you know. I've already told you that doesn't matter to me.

[doublesmall]

Yeah, yeah, I know that.

[he hums to himself for a moment, considering-- then sets the songlist down for a moment.]

I guess there is something I want, though, now that I think about it.