doublesmall | [PCs] team trust no bitch aka team hat aka chuuya & caren

Hm. I don't really like the thought of giving up that kind of control, but I suppose you're the same way.

[And she'd had no control in coming here, had no control over what brought them together or even, really, over anything that transpired in this game that they didn't choose for themselves.]

Maybe that's what we have to do; just accepting something like that isn't like either of us.

[Caren moves to withdraw her hand.] In the end, it's going to be all right. I'm sure it may turn out that I am needed somewhere.

... Caren.

[when she withdraws her hand, so does chuuya, but only so that he can link their fingers together.]

What if you already were?

[they don't talk about feelings, not in as many words. the two of them just aren't the type. but given how things are going... it's something he thinks he may regret not saying if he doesn't do it.

in the absence of anyone close to him in life, she's become the most important person in his death. he doesn't like to say he needs anyone but himself--

it would have been hard, though, if she hadn't joined him on this side.]

[As with the hair and the other little things they dance around saying, he's still a little more sentimental than she is, ever will be. Her inability to feel those certain things at certain times gives her that advantage. Disadvantage. One of the two, even as they slouch together toward some understanding.]

I know, [Caren says softly, so delicate that she almost sounds...normal. Just a girl, for a second, but that's a stupid illusion.] I know...

But if we must go our separate ways, I need to look for something to breathe some meaning into it.

[maybe it's her words, maybe the tone of her voice; either way, he answers at first by closing the distance between them to kiss her. it's less demanding than usual, a softer sort of thing.]

There's been meaning in this, right?

Oh, stop. [It's a small protest, betrayed even more when she returns the kiss without complaint.] You don't have to willfully misinterpret what I'm saying.

It meant something to the two of us, didn't it? That matters.[It matters especially that he found that thing. She is suddenly struck by the desire to tell him to fight to live.]

I'm just saying-- sometimes you don't need to look so hard for meaning in where you're going.

[the things you leave behind can push you forward, too.

he steals another kiss, there.]

Hah, careful. When you say things like that, it almost sounds like you're admitting something.

[because of course he'll still tease her, even in the middle of this talk.]

Admitting to what? [Instead of touching his cheek, Caren pushes the heel of her palm against his forehead this time.]

I don't give up that sensitive information so easily, you know, and certainly not outside the wrong time for it to be said.

[he laughs at the push, shaking his head as he goes with it and rolls onto his back, pulling caren along.]

And who says it's not the time, huh...?

Well, I guess that's up to you, in the end.

Ah! You can't force the words from my body, either.

[Caren adjusts her weight to fight him a little bit, though she lets herself be pulled quite quickly for someone who "doesn't" "want" to be pulled. It must just be his strength that makes it happen so easily.]

Is silence a denial or a tell?

I try not to take silence as anything in particular. Too easy to misunderstand, you know?

[but he thinks he gets what she's saying-- rather, not saying-- and loosens his grip once she's settled into place.]

I'll take it as a tell, though, since you're asking.

You are maintaining the same ambiguous silence.

[Caren stretches out, she legs still draped out next to him, so she hasn't totally let him catch her.]

How should I interpret what you aren't telling me?

Is this just a play to try to get information out of me first, huh? You should know I'm trained not to give in to it.

[he's only halfway bullshitting, for once.]

You should know I'm more than adept at getting it.

[Caren is telling only a half-joke, too. But her expressions hardens as she drapes her arm over him.]

... What happens if I say it? [Her bangs get in her eyes.] What changes? Would you imagine some alternative future just from that?

... nothing really changes.

[he shrugs one shoulder, brushing her bangs aside.]

I wouldn't do anything differently, to be honest.

Then to speak or remain silent, the world will remain the same either way. It is the same for me. I don't need to hear it from you. Some things feel better when they aren't in words.

[Caren knows what she thinks about this all, thinks she can understand his feelings enough.]

A temporary space like this can only be removed from existence eventually, logically. [Maybe what she's saying is that it's better for there to be no complications in that. Maybe. But she folds one of her arms beneath her head after she says that, her fingers tapping against his chest.]

...then maybe that space should have everything in it, so nothing's left undone when it's gone.

[he doesn't exactly need to hear it from her either. they can reach an understanding without ever being direct. but if they do part--

will he regret that later? chuuya can't say for sure that he'll never think back on this and wonder if there was more he should have done.]

We don't need it, and it won't change anything, but-- maybe I want to hear it anyway. Maybe I still want to tell you.

[he exhales a slow breath, one she'll be able to feel with her fingertips on his chest, along with the heavy pace of his heart.]

... I want you to say it, Caren.

Edited 2018-04-21 19:38 (UTC)

[She can feel his accelerated heart crying out beneath her hand, can't tell if it's fear or anticipation or something else entirely.]

It should be rather thrilling for me to see you under such duress, [Caren muses, but it's absent the usual bite of her ribbing. Her teeth pinch her lower lip, an anxiety unusual for her showing on her face. She would have left it where it was, if he hadn't requested it. There are hundreds of reasons not to and only a few to speak. Chuuya can probably feel just how tense she becomes.]

You and I could easily loose this place this come morning, or the next, or the next week. We both know that, so when I ask you to hold onto this, don't be surprised if it's an impossible feat. Please keep it in mind that...

... I like you. Don't make me regret saying it by making this all a waste.

Whether it's a waste or not isn't up to me.

[not anymore. not when he's lost, and not with the agreement he's made.

but there's a smile on his face anyway as he drapes an arm over her, pulls her closer again.]

I won't forget it if you don't forget that I feel the same.

[a short pause, and then another tug, pulling her in enough to tuck her head beneath his chin (partly so he doesn't have to look at her to say anything more.)]

...I don't know if I can say 'love'. I don't know if I've loved anyone before, and I don't know if we've had enough time for that. But for what we have had--

I like you as much as I possibly could. Maybe more than that.

If you're suddenly going to stop being so stubborn just because I said something sentimental, I'll be disappointed.

[It isn't up to either of them, but Caren knows he has more tenacity to draw on than that, than simply giving up to chance. She appreciates being pulled close, too, if only because it allows her, too, to look elsewhere while they're talking.]

It really hasn't been that long. Is it not deeply troubling just how things can change in only a few days? [It hasn't been the first time she's seen something like this happen... it makes her feel nostalgic, but it also helps her realize that this might just be real.]

Whether it's that feeling or something else... I trust you with it.

As if I could ever really stop being stubborn.

[he's too much of a shit for that, caren.

but he's content to just hold her there for now, huffing out a laugh under his breath.]

We're still partners. What kind of team would we be if we couldn't trust each other with things like this...

I said I trusted you with all of me. I'm sure some people would say I don't have much of a heart, but-- that's part of me too, isn't it?

You aren't confusing what I said for just being faithful partners, are you?

[She knows he isn't. The way they're tangled together isn't completely sustainable since he pulled her over earlier, so Caren readjusts her weight a little bit, head forced even closer against his throat as she does.]

That part of you get you into not insignificant trouble. I'll be watching over you from here, then, just so you don't make the same mistake again. It's not a job I normally take on...

[She trails off, just mumbling into his chest a bit.] I hate that I was never a schoolgirl and yet feel like one now.

Edited 2018-04-21 22:00 (UTC)

I don't need to be watched... but I guess if anyone's going to, I'd rather have your eyes on me than anyone else's.

[and okay, he tries not to laugh a little at that last admission, but it sneaks into his tone anyway.]

Hasn't this whole game been full of shit we didn't see coming? But don't worry, I don't think anyone could ever mistake you for just a schoolgirl, even if you feel like one.

-so does that make me the upperclassman in this scenario though, huh? Isn't that how those stories go?

You did say that you're too old for me. [She hasn't forgotten that. Maybe Chuuya can even hear the petulant expression in her voice when she says it.] I don't think that makes you an upperclassman, but instead, some hapless older local?

The conventions in those types of stories are beyond me in many ways.

I already told you, I didn't want to admit to it at the time...

[he has the decency to sound sheepish for snubbing her like that, though.]

And why would I have to be a "hapless" older guy, huh?

My apologies for cornering you later until you were forced to admit to it.[She doesn't sound very apologetic.]

Isn't it obvious? you spend your days in dogged, probably clumsy pursuit of that vibrant star of innocence and girlhood...

[He can't see her face, but she's making a blanker than normal expression for sure.]

[PCs] team trust no bitch aka team hat aka chuuya & caren

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