[PCs] team trust no bitch aka team hat aka chuuya & caren

[doublesmall]

[but is it really team hat if only caren has one, though? that's the real question here.

threads in comments!

(there is age difference ship content here but nothing nsfw)]

Comments

[doublesmall]

What? No. If I wanted that, I'd ask you to tell me to live.

[he shakes his head with another little huff, a dismissive wave of his hand.]

I'm-- thinking out loud, I guess. Trying to figure my shit out.

... and I guess I'd be more likely to do it if you did. We work well together, you know?

[sexorcism]

Being so roundabout isn't like you, but I thought you might be trying a new tactic after all.

[She closes her eyes a little at the praise. Time is running water-thin through their fingers. A decision will have to be made soon, after all.]

You could choose your own partner under those circumstances, [is what Caren ends up blurting, lest he or maybe even of both of them have forgotten that they were forced together by chance.]

[doublesmall]

I know. I am.

[chance brought them together here, but the two of them made this partnership what it was. there are others chuuya could have worked effectively with, sure, but...]

If I had to do this all again and choose who I'd get stuck with for it, it'd still be you.

[sexorcism]

Yes...

[It's easy for her to smile, suddenly, slow and gentle. For once, Caren doesn't mind if he sees, if he knows, that she needed to hear it,too.]

I thought the same.

[doublesmall]

...good.

[that gets a smile in return, and he reaches out to run his fingers through her hair, the new braid she'd constructed now tied securely around his wrist to keep it safe.]

I think-- if I can go back to my old life, I will. If I can't... whatever we pick, let's do it together.

[sexorcism]

[In turn, Caren reaches out to touch her face, her thumb just brushing his lower lip as she holds his cheek in her palm.]

All right. I won't just say I'll go with you--because after all, maybe it's you who'll end up coming with me.

[But still, the question nags at her, a possibility Caren wants to be prepared for if it comes, as it seems so likely to, to pass.]

But what if we can't choose?

[doublesmall]

Then it's just up to fate, right? Not that I usually believe in that kind of thing...

[he pauses for a moment, considering, his head tilting slightly into her touch.]

...but I don't know. We were partners by chance this time, and we've made this much out of it. I wouldn't mind rolling the dice on that again.

[they share blood now, after all. they're connected by more than just the mechanics of the game they've been playing. maybe that means they're more likely to find each other again.]

We don't have to decide that now. Let's see what our options are and whether we'd get taken on if we decided to try to take the job instead. That might make the decision for us.

[if both could live but only one would be accepted as a reaper, or if both would be taken on but only one could live... well, that'll narrow things down, he thinks.

there is still a third possible end for him, though.]

...but if it turns out that I can't go on at all-- you pick whatever you want for yourself.

[sexorcism]

Hm. I don't really like the thought of giving up that kind of control, but I suppose you're the same way.

[And she'd had no control in coming here, had no control over what brought them together or even, really, over anything that transpired in this game that they didn't choose for themselves.]

Maybe that's what we have to do; just accepting something like that isn't like either of us.

[Caren moves to withdraw her hand.] In the end, it's going to be all right. I'm sure it may turn out that I am needed somewhere.

[doublesmall]

... Caren.

[when she withdraws her hand, so does chuuya, but only so that he can link their fingers together.]

What if you already were?

[they don't talk about feelings, not in as many words. the two of them just aren't the type. but given how things are going... it's something he thinks he may regret not saying if he doesn't do it.

in the absence of anyone close to him in life, she's become the most important person in his death. he doesn't like to say he needs anyone but himself--

it would have been hard, though, if she hadn't joined him on this side.]

[sexorcism]

[As with the hair and the other little things they dance around saying, he's still a little more sentimental than she is, ever will be. Her inability to feel those certain things at certain times gives her that advantage. Disadvantage. One of the two, even as they slouch together toward some understanding.]

I know, [Caren says softly, so delicate that she almost sounds...normal. Just a girl, for a second, but that's a stupid illusion.] I know...

But if we must go our separate ways, I need to look for something to breathe some meaning into it.

[doublesmall]

[maybe it's her words, maybe the tone of her voice; either way, he answers at first by closing the distance between them to kiss her. it's less demanding than usual, a softer sort of thing.]

There's been meaning in this, right?

[sexorcism]

Oh, stop. [It's a small protest, betrayed even more when she returns the kiss without complaint.] You don't have to willfully misinterpret what I'm saying.

It meant something to the two of us, didn't it? That matters.[It matters especially that he found that thing. She is suddenly struck by the desire to tell him to fight to live.]

[doublesmall]

I'm just saying-- sometimes you don't need to look so hard for meaning in where you're going.

[the things you leave behind can push you forward, too.

he steals another kiss, there.]

Hah, careful. When you say things like that, it almost sounds like you're admitting something.

[because of course he'll still tease her, even in the middle of this talk.]

[sexorcism]

Admitting to what? [Instead of touching his cheek, Caren pushes the heel of her palm against his forehead this time.]

I don't give up that sensitive information so easily, you know, and certainly not outside the wrong time for it to be said.

[doublesmall]

[he laughs at the push, shaking his head as he goes with it and rolls onto his back, pulling caren along.]

And who says it's not the time, huh...?

Well, I guess that's up to you, in the end.

[sexorcism]

Ah! You can't force the words from my body, either.

[Caren adjusts her weight to fight him a little bit, though she lets herself be pulled quite quickly for someone who "doesn't" "want" to be pulled. It must just be his strength that makes it happen so easily.]

Is silence a denial or a tell?

[doublesmall]

I try not to take silence as anything in particular. Too easy to misunderstand, you know?

[but he thinks he gets what she's saying-- rather, not saying-- and loosens his grip once she's settled into place.]

I'll take it as a tell, though, since you're asking.

[sexorcism]

You are maintaining the same ambiguous silence.

[Caren stretches out, she legs still draped out next to him, so she hasn't totally let him catch her.]

How should I interpret what you aren't telling me?

[doublesmall]

Is this just a play to try to get information out of me first, huh? You should know I'm trained not to give in to it.

[he's only halfway bullshitting, for once.]

[sexorcism]

You should know I'm more than adept at getting it.

[Caren is telling only a half-joke, too. But her expressions hardens as she drapes her arm over him.]

... What happens if I say it? [Her bangs get in her eyes.] What changes? Would you imagine some alternative future just from that?

[doublesmall]

... nothing really changes.

[he shrugs one shoulder, brushing her bangs aside.]

I wouldn't do anything differently, to be honest.

[sexorcism]

Then to speak or remain silent, the world will remain the same either way. It is the same for me. I don't need to hear it from you. Some things feel better when they aren't in words.

[Caren knows what she thinks about this all, thinks she can understand his feelings enough.]

A temporary space like this can only be removed from existence eventually, logically. [Maybe what she's saying is that it's better for there to be no complications in that. Maybe. But she folds one of her arms beneath her head after she says that, her fingers tapping against his chest.]

[doublesmall]

...then maybe that space should have everything in it, so nothing's left undone when it's gone.

[he doesn't exactly need to hear it from her either. they can reach an understanding without ever being direct. but if they do part--

will he regret that later? chuuya can't say for sure that he'll never think back on this and wonder if there was more he should have done.]

We don't need it, and it won't change anything, but-- maybe I want to hear it anyway. Maybe I still want to tell you.

[he exhales a slow breath, one she'll be able to feel with her fingertips on his chest, along with the heavy pace of his heart.]

... I want you to say it, Caren.

[sexorcism]

[She can feel his accelerated heart crying out beneath her hand, can't tell if it's fear or anticipation or something else entirely.]

It should be rather thrilling for me to see you under such duress, [Caren muses, but it's absent the usual bite of her ribbing. Her teeth pinch her lower lip, an anxiety unusual for her showing on her face. She would have left it where it was, if he hadn't requested it. There are hundreds of reasons not to and only a few to speak. Chuuya can probably feel just how tense she becomes.]

You and I could easily loose this place this come morning, or the next, or the next week. We both know that, so when I ask you to hold onto this, don't be surprised if it's an impossible feat. Please keep it in mind that...

... I like you. Don't make me regret saying it by making this all a waste.

[doublesmall]

Whether it's a waste or not isn't up to me.

[not anymore. not when he's lost, and not with the agreement he's made.

but there's a smile on his face anyway as he drapes an arm over her, pulls her closer again.]

I won't forget it if you don't forget that I feel the same.

[a short pause, and then another tug, pulling her in enough to tuck her head beneath his chin (partly so he doesn't have to look at her to say anything more.)]

...I don't know if I can say 'love'. I don't know if I've loved anyone before, and I don't know if we've had enough time for that. But for what we have had--

I like you as much as I possibly could. Maybe more than that.